Turtle Butter

So I consider myself to be a sandwich connoisseur of some sorts. I love sandwiches. Everything about them I find to absolutely splendid. In one of the more recent episodes of “30 Rock” Tina Fey describes her unifying theory of mankind through sandwiches, in which everyone just wants to enjoy their own sandwich and its no one’s position to put down anyone else’s sandwich. I disagree Ms. Fey, while I’m sure she was not speaking literally, I came across a sandwich that disappointed me so much it compelled me to share my disappointment with the world. Now I suppose a foreword is in order. I believe the king of all sandwiches is and always shall be (with much debate) the Philly Cheesesteak, there is just something about that sandwich that is wonderful. Should you find yourself in Philadelphia, I would highly recommend that you venture on down to the 24 hour shack named “Pat’s Steaks” and order one or two, be sure to order quickly though cause if you don’t it is highly possible that the staff will lovingly subject you to some public ridicule as one of my friends found out. Simple and delectable the Philly excites all of the taste buds and I have yet to find a sandwich that I enjoy as much.

My disappointment with the sandwich franchise Subway, is nothing new, but I found myself there one fateful evening only to notice that they had a new sandwich on the menu. Yes thats right Subway now carries what they call a Big Philly Cheesesteak. I decided to try it. My hopes started to crack when I saw the “sandwich technician” peel plastic off of a small amount of lifeless grey meat and throw it into a microwave. After the microwave dinged and my meat had been sufficiently warmed the girl behind the glass asked me what I would like on it, I thought about saying wit ‘n wit, but knowing she had probably never even smelled a real Philly I said Provolone, Jalapeño, and Onions. The hopes that had been previously cracked utterly shattered with my first bite. The meat had absolutely no taste, and it was very obviously that it had been cooked thousand of miles away frozen and then shipped to them by “corporate”, the onions we red sweet onions which had no business being on a philly ever, and the provolone normally being a second rate cheese on a philly in the first place was lackluster at best. The only thing on that sandwich that could hold its own in taste was the jalapeños which is not really what you want them to do. They are supposed to accent the flavorful meat with splashes of “spicyness”. It was enough to put me off of subway for good, and to the other people that I saw on the internet who thought this sandwich was good enough to deserve a “C”, what the hell is wrong with you? Have you been eating crap, literally crap between two pieces of bread. The desecration of a national treasure is a crime that we don’t take to lightly in America, Subway your a criminal in my book.

If your looking for a good sandwich and live in the south-east look no further than your local Harris Teeter Deli, as they have some of the best sandwiches at great prices and smiling people to serve them to you, but under no circumstances should you ever go to Subway unless you just really like bad sandwiches.